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HET ZIJN GOUDEN TIJDEN VOOR DE COMPLOTDENKERS

Het is een mooi affiche. De Champions League finale van het seizoen 2019-2020. Ook al is de entourage vanwege COVID-19 ver te zoeken; het duel Paris St. Germain-Bayern München biedt 100% garantie op een schitterende pot voetbal. Normaal gesproken kijk ik het samen met een groep vrienden. Uiteraard met lekkere hapjes en de koude pilseners binnen handbereik

Wat is nog normaal?

Maar ja, wat is nog normaal? Een Champions League finale die in mei wordt gespeeld en algemeen geldt als de kroon op een mooi seizoen wordt nu afgewerkt op zondag 23 augustus. Op het moment dat de vaderlandse eredivisie de aftrap van een nieuwe voetbaljaargang beleeft… En we moeten het deze avond ook nog eens stellen met een kil, leeg stadion. Dus, zonder de emoties van luid scanderende supporters.

The Great British Bake Off

Hoewel de twee beste clubteams ter wereld op de grasmat staan, beginnen mijn gedachten in deze trieste ambiance al snel af te dwalen. Het mobieltje biedt even uitkomst en ik struin wat door de laatste Facebookberichten. In de pauze is het tijd om even langs de andere kanalen te zappen. Ik blijf hangen bij The Great British Bake Off. Het programma waarop de Jannie en André show ‘Heel Holland Bakt’ is geënt. Het blijkt zelfs de finale te zijn. 

Het moment suprême

Als we de voorbeschouwing moeten geloven, kan het eigenlijk wel schriftelijk worden afgedaan. Er is namelijk een uitgesproken favoriet die er in de afgelopen afleveringen met kop en schouders boven uitstak. Gelukkig zijn er – net als in de sport – altijd verrassingen. En gaat het niet alleen om bovengemiddeld talent, maar ook om het vermogen op het moment suprême over stalen zenuwen te beschikken.

Echte tranentrekker 

Uitgerekend bij het laatste onderdeel – het spektakelstuk – gaat het hartstikke mis. En moet ze de plaats in de spotlights, die al voor haar was gereserveerd, afstaan. Ten overstaan van haar familie en vrienden buigt de beoogde winnares nederig het hoofd. Het is een echte tranentrekker en ik worstel om het droog te houden. Ik schrik. Het is inmiddels diep in de avond en de Champion (Bayern) zit al aan de champagne. Ik ging zo op in de strijd der meesterbakkers dat ik de tijd helemaal uit het oog ben verloren.  Vind ik het erg? Nee, eigenlijk niet!

Waar is mijn mannelijkheid gebleven?

Het is een lange aanloop voor waar ik eigenlijk naar toe wil. Dat het corona lijkt alsof ik mijn mannelijkheid ben verloren. Liever kijken naar een show met (mis)baksels dan naar de fijnbesnaarde techniek van (overbetaalde) voetbalprofessionals. Een week later sta ik zelfs voor het eerst van mijn leven een appeltaart met noten te bakken. Wat is er met me aan de hand? Ik ben niet de enige die er last van heeft. Toen een Rotterdamse vriend op bezoek kwam, gingen we na een paar speciaal biertjes al over op de wijn. Want, dat is toch veel meer genieten, zeiden we tegen elkaar. Al pratende over onze kookprestaties van de afgelopen weken….

Pas op voor de algoritmes

Het lijkt wel een plan van hogerhand om ons mannen in mentaal opzicht van onze ‘cojones’ (dat woord wilde ik altijd al een keer gebruiken…) te ontdoen. Maar, dat is natuurlijk je reinste onzin. Of… 
Als je de legendarische uitzending van Zondag met Lubach hebt gezien, dan ga je daar zeker aan twijfelen. Door corona lijken we niet meer helder te kunnen denken. Het is de voedingsbodem voor de complotdenkers onder ons. Ze beleven gouden tijden. Maar, het zijn natuurlijk gewoon de algoritmes van Google die ons leven langzaam overnemen. Wat we zoeken, wat we kijken en wat we eten; alles is voorbestemd. En dat is geen complot. Hooguit van Google en andere zoekmachines…

Rudi Buitenkamp

62 Replies to “HET ZIJN GOUDEN TIJDEN VOOR DE COMPLOTDENKERS”

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